November 21, 2008

McCain, His Nuts, and Obama

By Nevine Zaki

If there were ten walnuts, and you took away two, how many walnuts would you have? Eight, right? WRONG! You would have two! Since you were the one to take the two walnuts away, then you would have just the two walnuts. Well, don't feel too bad, I got that one wrong, too. So did the five other fairly intelligent adults I asked. In fact, the only person who got that answer right was my four-and-a-half-year-old son.

For some reason, children seem to have an innate sense of logic that they lose somehow as they become adults. Maybe they lose it in grade school:

Teacher: If each of you had some walnuts, and (to pick a name at random) John McCain said he would take two walnuts from each of you (except the rich kids, he'll take only one from each of them) and go throw them at (to pick names at random) Iraq and Afghanistan; and then (to pick a name at random) Barack Obama came along and said he would take only one walnut from each of you, two from each of the rich kids, and then plant all those walnuts in the school yard so they would grow into more walnut trees and we'd all end up with more walnuts; whom would you give your walnuts to?

Fifth Grader: Barack Obama.

Teacher: Why?

Fifth Grader: Because John McCain is a doodoohead.

Teacher: That's right, and that is why you should give your walnuts to John McCain.

Fifth Grader: Huh?

Teacher: Giving your walnuts to doodooheads is the American way, and don't you forget it, kids. Because if you do, John McCain promises you'll all get kooties. Or maybe they lose their sense of logic in gym class:

Coach: Ok, everybody, the two team captains choose your teams. Obama, you go first.

Barack Obama: Joe Lieberman, you're with me.

Patrick Leahy: Uh, Barack, did you forget what happened last time he was on our team?

Barack Obama: Yeah, he kept passing the ball to the guys on the other team, and he kept trying to score into our basket.

Patrick Leahy: Then why do we want him on our team again?

Barack Obama: I'm sure he'll serve as a valuable member of our team. And besides, if we don't pick him, he'll tell everybody we have kooties. But if you insist, let's take a vote. Team, should we keep Joe Lieberman?

Team members: Sure!

Patrick Leahy: Has everybody gone insane?

Coach: Ok, quiet, everybody. Whichever team captain answers this question correctly gets the basketball first: Obama, if there are ten walnuts, and you take away two, how many walnuts do you have?

Barack Obama: Uh, none. We don't have any nuts at all.

Coach: That's right, Obama. So go ahead and hand your ball over to the other team, to go with their other one. They may all be doodooheads, but at least they know how to play.

Joe Lieberman: Barack Obama has kooties!

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